


Guillermo's Day Off

by doyoushipwhoiship



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Guillermo Goes Shopping, Guillermo's Day Off, M/M, Nandor Loves His Vampire Slayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26976853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doyoushipwhoiship/pseuds/doyoushipwhoiship
Summary: On his day off, Guillermo is enjoying a night on the town when Nandor calls him home.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	Guillermo's Day Off

i.

“Guillermo is  _ my  _ familiar. What do you want with him?” Nandor whined as he sat in the fancy room and shuffled through yet more unopened correspondence from his warrior days. It was Guillermo’s day off but the other vampires didn’t seem to notice or care.

“He is required,” seethed Laszlo, “to repair this piano. The top is missing. And the fireplace! You see this woodwork here? Totally damaged. Like someone’s kicked it in.”

“My darling,  _ you  _ kicked it in.”

“I certainly didn’t. I would remember that.”

Nadja stared admonishingly at her husband then turned back to Nandor. “I ripped my lace collar on the thorny branch of a rose bush last night and I want it mended.” She waved at the stacks of papers on Nandor’s lap. “Add it to the list.”

“I am not Guillermo’s Secretariat!” Nandor boomed.

“Knock, knock.” Colin Robinson entered without knocking. “I think you mean ‘secretary,’ though ‘Secretariat’ was a decent movie. Only got a sixty-three percent from Rotten Tomatoes which wasn’t, in my humble opinion, a result of John Malkovich’s superb acting. You know John Malkovich? He played the crazy dude in 1993’s ‘In the Line of Fire’ with Clint Eastwood. Even made a gun out of plastic so it wouldn’t set off the metal detectors...”

“That’s bloody ridiculous. A man can’t shoot a musket without his balls.” Laszlo frowned.

“Actually...” Colin proceeded to explain how the character hid the bullet inside a lucky rabbit’s foot, which already had a metal casing, and therefore did not arouse suspicion when it went through the metal detector. By the end of his monologue, Nadja was snoring on the sofa, chin to chest.

“A rabbit’s foot?” Nandor perked up with interest, abandoning his letters. “I didn’t realize rabbit’s feet were so lucky.”

“Well, they...aren’t. It’s entirely coincidental if something good happens to you while you have a foot of a dead animal in your pocket.”

Nandor’s lower lip jutted out. “Poor little rabbit.”

Laszlo sped off, forgetting about the piano and the fireplace and remembering the rabbit topiary he was attempting to recreate.

“Where  _ is  _ Gizmo?” Colin asked, after some silence.

Nandor tossed his hands in the air. “That’s it! Guillermo will come home  _ now _ . He will work the rest of today and will receive a half day later in the week. To the kitchen!” He stood.

Nadja woke groggily. “What’s in the kitchen?”

“Guillermo left me his phone number on the big ice machine next to the number for the police officers and the fire putter-outers,” Nandor said very maturely.

Nandor located Guillermo’s phone number, took the slip of paper to the landline phone, and managed (after ten or so attempts) to dial correctly.

“Hello?”

“Guillermo! Is that you?”

“Yes.”

“What is that noise in the background? It sounds like music, like the tune they play on the Geo Party.”

“Geo Party?” Guillermo realized he meant  _ Jeopardy! _ .

“I don’t understand it.” Nandor sighed. “I know you’ve explained it to me, but I don’t know how the answer is the question and the question is the answer. It doesn’t make sense!”

“Maybe we can watch it tomorrow night, and I’ll try...”

“I don’t care about tomorrow!” Nandor interrupted. “I want you home today!”

Guillermo swallowed a lump in his throat, or maybe it was just the last bite of his pretzel. Pretzels at the mall were the best. “Why? Has something happened?”

“What’s happened is that you have left, Guillermo, and I don’t like it when you leave. I’m not getting used to it.” Nandor gripped the receiver of the phone so tightly that its plastic shell threatened to crack. “Why can’t you spend your days off here, with me?”

Guillermo’s stomach twisted, but he concentrated on tamping down the guilt that inevitably settled there. (A sip from his Dr. Pepper also helped.) “I spend every working day with you.”

The logic failed to register. “Well, your day off is officially over. You have taken half a day and you can redeem your other half sometime later in the week. I expect you to be home within the hour.” Nandor hung up, feeling very pleased with himself.

Guillermo deflated. He gathered up his items and hurried to catch the bus.

  
  


ii.

“There you are!”

Guillermo forced a smile as he reentered the house. Nandor followed him to the room under the stairs, where his familiar dropped his shopping bags and sat down on the bed. Nandor sat beside him.

“What’s going on?” Guillermo had his suspicions. Nandor rarely looked particularly happy to see him. Especially not  _ this  _ happy. The vampire was practically glowing. Maybe he’d just fed.

“What’s going on is that you have returned, Guillermo.” Nandor flashed his fangs. “And I am glad.”

“You’re glad because I obeyed you. Because you forced me to give up  _ my  _ time just to satisfy your...”

“My what?”

“...craving for me.” That came out wrong. Guillermo squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught he knew was coming.

“You think I crave you!” Nandor hissed. “Laszlo is the one who does all the craving around here. His name  _ is  _ Cravensworth.”

Guillermo opened one eye, and then the other. Nandor’s face was closer to his own than it had been before. He leaned away. Nandor leaned closer.

“What are you doing?” he mumbled, feeling hot along his jawline.

“Are you mad at me?” Nandor responded with a question, not an answer.  _ Just like Jeopardy! _ .

“What? No.”

“Don’t lie. I can tell. Your eyes will...do things.”

“I’m not mad,” Guillermo insisted. “Why don’t you tell me why you needed me so much?”

“I don’t need,” he huffed, pulling back and sitting squarely. “I require.”

“Require what?”

“Well, Nadja needs her lace collar mended. It’s gotten ripped again from all that crawling around she does in the park bushes.” Nandor made a face like he was considering how hygienic it would be to crawl on the ground. “And Laszlo was making a fuss about the piano and the fireplace.”

“He’s the one who did that!”

“I know. I know that.” He noted the flush of irritation that was evident on Guillermo’s face. And it made sense, yes, Guillermo had every right to be irritated. Guillermo was too valuable, too important to mend a collar that Nadja should never have ruined in the first place. Guillermo shouldn’t have to clean up everything Laszlo destroyed when he was angry. Laszlo should take responsibility, and replace it. Guillermo was  _ his  _ familiar, no one else’s. Then why did he command him home?

Nandor realized calling Guillermo home so suddenly hadn’t really been for anyone else’s sake but his own.

“What did you buy?” he asked.

Guillermo was too stunned to answer. “Huh?”

“You clearly bought something.” Nandor pointed to the pink and white striped shopping bag.

“Oh. Yeah.” Guillermo shyly lifted the contents of the bag: a small, crossbody clutch made of black leather.

“Guillermo!” Nandor gasped.

“What?” He held the clutch to his chest and regarded the vampire, who didn’t seem shocked so much as mystified.

“I knew you were a vampire slayer, but I didn’t know vampire slayers had their own merchandise!” Nandor reached out. “Can I...Can I touch it?”

Guillermo confusedly handed it to him.

Nandor lovingly ran his fingertips over the chrome “VS” that adorned the front of the handbag. “Perfect for my vampire slayer...” he hissed approvingly, and beamed up at Guillermo.

Guillermo could only smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) Stay spooky!


End file.
